PolyProse

It took over an hour to answer this question. I initially thought of David from Schitt’s Creek. Many of my friends used to tell me “Ew, David” or “Oh my god, David!” all the time. He and I share many mannerisms. But then I started thinking of Stevie with her wry humor, Moira with her anachronistic vocabulary, and Alexis with her fun demeanor from the same show.

I switched shows and thought about Caroline Forbes from The Vampire Diaries. She is sweet, loyal, and fiercely protective of the ones she loves. She spends most of her time keeping herself together to maintain appearances. I also connect with Lexi Branson, and I would go to war defending Bonnie Bennett!

I saw pieces of myself in many characters. If I were in their positions, I would likely act the same. I had a “pros and cons” list that I couldn’t decide on.

I finally asked my sister, and she answered without hesitation: Chidi Anagonye from The Good Place. He is an ethics professor with decisional anxiety. His indecisiveness matches mine perfectly. I also love philosophy. Some of my favorite lines from film and TV have been philosophical ideas. One of my favorites is when Jumba from Lilo and Stitch says, “What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to visit in the middle of the night?” “I have no mouth, and I must scream” comes to my mind at least once a week. I love the Ship of Theseus, Mary’s Room, the Chinese Room, Plato’s Cave, and many other philosophical thought experiments. Chidi also has a mental breakdown at one point in the series when he learns about the rules of the afterlife. It reminded me of when I learned about predeterminism. I cried for days, thinking that my life was nothing more than particles moving in predictable ways. Chidi is also a writer attempting to publish everything he knows about philosophy. He holds his writings close to his chest, the same way I do.
It’s disparaging to think that my inability to make decisions is my defining characteristic. However, I choose to label it as “careful consideration.”